Numbers Part 2

 

  *

What Shall We Do With 

the Jealous Husband?**

You have probably noticed that often as not a chapter will cover a few different, seemingly unrelated subjects. In the case of Numbers, Chapter 5, we get:

1. Unclean Persons
2. Confession and Restitution
3. Concerning an Unfaithful Wife

    I know you're anxious to learn all about the unfaithful wife, but we're going to take things in order. For each one, we're told that the Lord spoke to Moses, so one is just as important as the others. I guess.

    First off, God tells Moses that anyone who has leprosy, or nasty oozing, or has been touching a corpse has to set up their tent outside of the main camp.

    Side note: Don't there seem to be a lot of references to corpse touching? And honestly, I haven't included nearly all of them in my little summaries here, but take it from me, corpse touching gets a lot of ink in Exodus, Leviticus, and now here in Numbers. It makes a person think that folks were dropping dead on an alarmingly regular schedule, not only causing grief for their families and friends, but also creating a situation where those same families and friends had to choose between either lovingly taking care of the mortal remains or risk being ostracized by the community at large. Were there no undertakers amongst the six hundred thousand combat ready alpha males?

    As for the confession and restitution section, essentially God says that whatever loss someone suffers on account of another person, the guilty party owes the victim that same amount plus twenty percent for pain and suffering. And if the victim isn't around anymore and neither are his or her heirs, then whatever is owed goes to Aaron and Sons. This is called Priestly Passive Income.

    And now...

    

    Concerning an Unfaithful Wife

    Here's the deal. If a husband either pretty much knows, or even just thinks that his wife has been engaged in a bit of extracurricular dalliancing, what is called "a spirit of jealousy" here, he is to bring said wife, along with a bit of barley flour to the priest. The priest will sit the wife down and put the barley flour in her hands. He then says some words about how the process is to proceed and what she can expect if things go one way or the other. The priest scrapes some dirt off the floor of the tabernacle, mixes it up in some water and makes her drink the nasty water. The upshot here is that if she had indeed been doing some unauthorized frolicking, the dirty water will make her uterus drop and her womb discharge, and there will be no pitter patter of little feet in her future. If her husband is just paranoid and generally prone to unfounded suspicions then her uterus and womb will be no worse for the experience. In either case,

31) The man shall be free from iniquity

    Of course he will.

    I hadn't heard of the Nazirites before Chapter 6 here, but the footnotes helped out. It seems there is a process non-Levites can go through in order to "separate themselves to the Lord", which I guess means they get special attention and maybe a merit badge or two. Once they have gone through the initiation, they get to call themselves Nazirites. And what, you may ask, are they required to do in order to earn this distinction?

1. Stay away from grapes.
2. No visits to the hairdresser or barbershop.
3. No touching of corpses. See, there it is again.
1. If corpse touching is unavoidable it can all be made right with a properly throttled brace of pigeons or turtledoves and a roasted lamb.
4. All prior requirements being met, the candidate will present a male lamb, a ewe lamb (both a year old and free of blemishes), a basket of nice unleavened bread, cakes of choice flour, a wicker tray lined with a tea towel from Selfridge's on which twelve identical, beautifully baked prune danish have been placed.*** 
5. They then can shave their heads and have a nice glass of Manischewitz.
6. We end Chapter 6 with a bit that brought back some nice memories of my time spent in the Methodist and then United Methodist church as a kiddo, youth, and young adult. If I recall correctly, services and youth meetings always ended with what I now know are verses 24-26, Chapter 6, the Book of Numbers. It is a bit of an oasis amidst all the banishment, consumption by fire, and jealous husbands we've been dealing with here.

24 The Lord bless you and keep you,

25 the Lord make his face to shine 

upon you, and be gracious unto you;

26 The Lord lift up his countenance

upon you, and give you

peace.

AMEN

    Isn't that sweet? And it would be a great place to end this installment, but if we just do two chapters at a time this will take forever. Chapter 7 is kind of a long one, but I think we can sum it up pretty easily. After the tabernacle is all built and decorated, Moses has the leaders of the Twelve Tribes bring six covered wagons and twelve oxen to the big tent of meeting. Two of the wagons and four oxen are turned over to the Gershonites to help them transport the tabernacle parts they are responsible for. Four wagons and eight oxen are given to the Merarites for the same thing. But wait a sec! you're saying, what about the Kohathities? They're responsible for a bunch of tabernacle hardware too. True, but the stuff they're assigned to transport all has loop and pole setups and has to be carried by humans of sturdy build. Lucky them.

    After this is established, we get a listing of the gifts each of the tribes brings to celebrate the Grand Opening of the Tabernacle. Everybody must have been looking at the gift registry at the same time because they all bring the same items. It adds up to:

• 12 silver plates
• 12 silver basins
• 12 golden dishes filled with incense
• 12 bulls
• burnt offering
• 12 rams
• burnt offering
• 12 male lambs a year old
• grain offering
• 12 male goats
• sin offering
• 24  bulls
• sacrifice of well being
• 60 rams
• sacrifice of well being
• 60 male goats
• sacrifice of well being
• 60 male lambs a year old
• sacrifice of well being

    The chapter ends with Moses going into the tent of meeting to speak with the Lord, whose voice comes from above the mercy seat on the ark, between the two cherubim. What they speak about isn't covered here. I'm hoping the subject of just how Aaron and Sons were supposed to go about cleaning up the place after slaughtering 252 animals.

    Chapter 8 covers two topics.

1. A repeat of God's expectations concerning the lamps.
1. 7 lamps in front of the lampstand
2. Lampstand to be made out of hammered gold.
2. The sort of ceremony needed in order to bring the Levites up to snuff so they can do the tabernacle related duties God wants them to do. There is washing, shaving, bull sacrificing, and some laundry involved. You can read the whole thing if you want, quite honestly I was beginning to nod off so I may have missed something.

* A California Condor, as photographed by the Navajo Bridge in northern Arizona

**Nothing.

*** Just seeing if you're paying attention.

Numbers Part 1

 

 *

For My Next Number...

Look at us, three books down and only...checks his notes...sixty-three to go. Holy Moses. Hmm, let's look at it another way. We've polished off 102 pages, which means we've only got...907 more in front of us.

    Sounds a bit daunting, doesn't it? Although I'm trying to look at it this way: it's bound to get better at some point and with over nine hundred pages to go it's got a lot of chances. I mean, God must mellow at some point, right? Finally decide that all of this "My way or you're toast (literally)" attitude isn't really endearing him to those swing voters out there.

    We'll see.

    My first question in approaching the fourth book in what is called the Pentateuch, or Books of Moses, was "Why is it called Numbers?". Luckily, the answer was provided right up front as I read it, and that answer is that there are a lot of numbers involved. I mean a lot.** As in taking a census sorts of numbers. God wants Moses and Aaron to count all of the Israelite men over the age of twenty, as this is a age group considered to be eligible for military service. Yep, strapping young man to advanced geezer, they're all considered to be battlefield fodder. 

    With an interesting exception. The Levite men, the descendents of Levi, son of Jacob, are exempt. God has other plans for them.

    But I'm getting ahead of myself. That can happen when your subject is as exciting as a military draft census. Chapter 1 opens with... 

    The Lord spoke to Moses

    Just in case we might have otherwise jumped to the conclusion that...

Moses had an idea

    Which Moses knows better than to do.

    What God tells Moses is that he wants a 

2)census of the whole congregation of Israelites, in their clans, by ancestral house, according to the number of names, every male individually; 3)from twenty years old and upward, everyone able to go to war.

    God then specifies who he wants assigned to the census committee: one man from each of the twelve tribes (the Levites make it a baker's dozen, but that's for the scholars to discuss) and so Moses calls a meeting, explains the goal, and they get busy making their count. Verses 20 through 43 give us the details for each of the tribes. We'll just mention here that the tribe with the mostest is the Judah clan, with 74,600 eligible males, and the tribe with the leastest is the Manasseh Family with just 32,200 to contribute. Add them all up and we get 603,550. It says so, right in verse 46.

    It doesn't say how long it took to do the census, but I'm thinking it must have taken the better part of an afternoon.

    God then tells Moses he has other plans for the Levite men and those plans are related to the tabernacle, specifically when it needs to be packed up for travel and then when it needs to be set up again. And just so Moses knows it's the one and only Actual God handing out these directions, death is promised to anyone else who might try to volunteer for tabernacle duty.

    Chapter 2 is all about where the Twelve Tribes are supposed to setup camp relative to the tabernacle. East side, west side, all around the tent.

    Chapter 3 opens up with a reminder of what happened to Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron who didn't get the timing right with the incense back in Leviticus, Chapter 10, so that's nice. And then we get a few of the particulars regarding the Duties of the Levites. Well, actually, we don't get much in the way of particulars here, but we do get another reminder from God that he's not going to tolerate any non-Levite elements messing around the Tent of Meeting.

    God then tells Moses that the Levites are going to serve as substitutes for the claim God has on all the Israelite first borns and I've got to admit I still don't understand what is going on with that. What I did get here is that God now wants Moses to conduct another census, but this time just of the Levite males a month old and older. Seems to me that could be a sort of never-ending task, because by the time you've counted them all there are bound to be more kiddos that were twenty-some days old who now qualify. I mean, you knew I was kidding with the whole "better part of an afternoon" gag, right?

    It seems there are three sorts of Levites and they all need their own censuses, if that's the word I want. And each of those groups are to be assigned certain duties related to the transport of the tabernacle, which of course, complex and exacting as its construction was, is designed to be portable. Providing you've got the manpower. Which apparently they have.

1. The Gershons:  
1. 7,500
1. In charge of the tent, hangings, screen, altar and cords.
2. The Kohaths:
1. 8,600
1. In charge of the ark, table, lampstand, altars (wait a sec, are these different altars?) the vessels of the sanctuary, and the screen (Okay now, two screens? If I had more time I'd look back at the building plans in Exodus. But that's not part of the deal here.)
3. The Mahlites:
1. 6,200
2. In charge*** of the hardware and framework.

    Back to the firstborn thing in a section titled "The Redemption of the Firstborn." God has Moses do yet another census, this time of all the firstborns among the Israelites. And then we get this bit of math.

     22,273 Firstborns

    -22,000 Levites

    =    273

    X        5 shekels

    = 1,365 shekels owed to Aaron and Sons

    As far as I can figure out, God is saying that he will leave the firstborns alone (thank goodness!) in exchange for having the Levites as his employees for life with such duties to be passed on generation to generation, amen and if you're a Levite boy don't you go dreaming about being a chorus boy on Broadway or a dentist. And since there aren't quite enough Levites to match the number of firstborns, he will accept cash in lieu of toddlers. And since he has no use for cash because everybody always pays for him wherever he goes, the money should go to his man Aaron (who is still hoping the Golden Calf episode doesn't come up again) and Sons.

    I hope that makes sense. If I can come up with a better way to explain it all I will amend this installment. Because that's what we do with the Bible. See A Word From the Committee.

    Let's wrap up today's installment with Chapter 4, in which God tells Moses to, you guessed it, take another damned census. By now Moses must be wondering where he's going to get any more slates and chalk and abacuses, if that's the word that is the plural of abacus, which probably wasn't in use by the ancient Israelites anyway so what does it matter, not to mention the fact (see note about facts) that fewer and fewer folks are turning up for Census Taker Volunteer Training classes. 

    But take another census he does and this time it restricts itself to Levite men between the ages of thirty and fifty, so it's not nearly as time and resource intensive. The rest of the chapter goes on and on and on and, quite literally, on with just how to prep all of the elements of the tabernacle when it's time to move on and who is going to carry said elements and it's up to Aaron and Sons to make sure everything is wrapped up in blue cloth and fine leather before the worker bees are allowed to come in and carry any of it off because if they don't and the worker bees touch anything they are not worthy to touch they are going to, you guessed it, die.

    Next time we'll learn exactly what to do when a wife has either been unfaithful, or her hubby just thinks his wife has been unfaithful. So far in my advanced reading I haven't come across what to do if a man has been screwing around. It must be here somewhere.    

*The Superstition Mountains

**When I say "lots" I mean that even the Kid's Adventure Bible makes mention of the fact* that there were at least a couple million Israelites wandering around the desert with Moses. So my guess in an earlier installment here has the highest scholarship to back it up.

        *I do hold to the "Facts are facts" as opposed to let's believe whatever we're told school of mental processing. And let's face it, some of the "facts" we've been presented with so far have been just a tad, shall we say, incredible.

***By "in charge", let me just make crystal clear that they are to serve pretty much as pack animals and they are never, ever, under any circumstance, actually touch any part of the tabernacle unless it is securely wrapped up in blue cloth and stretch wrap.

Leviticus Part 7

 

  *

Agriculture, Debt Forgiveness, Carrots, Sticks,

and Votives

I know, it seems like a lot, but we're going to finish Leviticus today and that's all there is to that.

    As we all know by now, almost all of the chapters in Leviticus open up with,

The Lord spoke to Moses

right? Now, I can't get the image out of my head of God holding forth on the summit of Mount Sinai, surrounded by all sorts of smoking and flaming and glitter bombing special effects, and Moses standing there, steno pad in hand, wishing he had paid more attention during the semester of shorthand he took at Cairo Community College. And God isn't helping by skipping all over the place, going directly from how to purify a new mother to how to spot (no pun intended) a case of galloping leprosy, or from the correct way to slaughter an animal to who it's okay and not okay to have sex with.

    As challenging as it must have been for Moses to keep up with the subject changes, these last three chapters might have been even more difficult because the instructions God is dictating are way specific and involve a fair amount of calendar and math references that, if gotten wrong, could mess up everything. I mean we've all seen how he reacts when somebody strays a bit from the guidebook he has in his celestial brain. I have to admit that even though I've read this final section more than a few times through, taking notes and exercising my highlighter each time, some of this stuff still boggles.

    So please accept the previous paragraph as my disclaimer for any wildly erroneous conclusions or calculations I may present here. As always, I invite you to read the material yourself, although we both know the likelihood of that happening is close to zip.

    

    Chapter 25 starts out simply enough with some advice (okay, OT God does not offer advice, he tells you what to do and kills you if you have your own ideas) about how to properly manage farmland. And yes, I still find it a head scratcher as to why he brings this up to a couple million folks who won't be settling down for another forty years. What land are they supposedly farming? Maybe he knows he's going to be busy with other divine duties around the time the Israelites are Manifest Destinying the Canaanites and Hittites and Floridianites off what they thought was their land. 

    What God wants Moses to pass along to his congregation is that when they do have their own fields and vineyards they need to let them rest every seven years. Simple enough. I'm no expert, but it does sound like good policy to me. God could have mentioned crop rotation too, but he didn't.

   Then, after a short bit about the Sabbatical Year, God spells out what he wants to happen every fifty years in is to be known as the Year of Jubilee.

    The whole fifty year spacing is arrived at in these two verses, which, I've got to admit, make my head spin.

8) You shall count off seven weeks of years, seven times seven years, so that the period of seven weeks of years gives forty-nine years. 9)Then you shall have the trumpet sounded loud; on the tenth day of the seventh month...

    What is "seven weeks of years" for cryin' out loud? Be that as it may, every fifty years there will be a Year of Jubilee. Fine. But what does that mean? If you're like me, you associate the word Jubilee with Queen Elizabeth II, or maybe in a stretch with revered military anti-strategist Jubilation T. Cornpone, whose statue looms over the town of Dogpatch, USA in Al Capp's brilliant comic strip "L'il Abner."

    Sorry, I'm straying again.

    The Year of Jubilee, as far as I've been able to figure out through multiple readings and an excessively extravagant six minutes of online research, is the happy time once every fifty years year when anyone who has been having a tough time financially, can look forward to their debts being forgiven and, in some circumstances, even getting back the family home or acreage that had been lost to foreclosure or sold off to pay debts. There is a lot, and I mean a lot, of "if/then" and "it all depends on" contained in this part of the chapter, and unfortunately we once again have a section that legitimizes the practice of enslaving other people and even passing them on down to the next generation, but an almost universal twice a century debt forgiveness seems to be the nub of the issue. I would go into more detail, but math is not my strong suit, never has been. If there are any CPA's in the crowd, perhaps you could bring some clarity.

    Chapter 26 is divided into two sections, one spelling out the good stuff God will do if you follow his commandments, and a much longer one offering an inventory of what'll happen to you if you don't. The good stuff features things like bountiful harvests and feeling all safe and secure and being able to strike fear into your enemies with your little sword, which I know is at the top of most GOP Amazon Wish Lists. The penalties portion features a wide variety of nasty things that God will do to you including, but not limited to, turning you into a cannibal, laying your cities to waste, scattering you and your neighbors hither and yon with no forwarding addresses, and being devoured by your enemies. Perhaps most devastating of all, God will no longer find your odors pleasing. Say it ain't so.

    We wrap up our frolic through Leviticus with Chapter 27, which is titled "Votive Offerings" and I must admit that on my first reading I had no idea whatsoever what was going on here. To me, the word "votive" evokes nothing so much as little candles and that didn't seem to fit the bill here. Then there is the word "equivalent", that is tossed around frequently, that one threw me completely for a loop. Let me give you an early sample, and see if it means anything to you.

1)**The Lord spoke to Moses, saying: 2)Speak to the people of Israel and say to them: When a person makes an explicit vow to the Lord concerning the equivalent for a human being, 3)the equivalent for a male shall be: from twenty to sixty years of age the equivalent shall be fifty shekels of silver by the sanctuary shekel.

    What is this "equivalent" of which they speak? Blast it all, more research was required. My thanks to the fine folks at the Yeshua Elohim Bible Church whose website provided a translation of the translation that is the New Revised Standard Edition Bible which is the Word of God as taken straight from the steno pad of Moses, having been filtered through a few other versions over the centuries (see "A Word From the Committee").

    Oops, I never defined what a votive offering means to God, Moses, Aaron, and the Gang. That one's pretty simple, at least according to the AI answer Google provides. It's something you bring to God that is what you might call a durable good. Something like, oh, a silver candlestick or a mahogany dining room table. You know, the sort of thing you might see on Antiques Roadshow. According to the Bible Church folks, what God expects when you bring him a bit of durable goods is that the value of said item should be commensurate with your gender and earning power. Middle aged men are expected to hand over more valuable stuff than a woman, regardless of age. That's what is meant by equivalent. And that, my friends, is just another example of how what we've read so far in the Bible lines up with certain political, social, and economic injustices we're still trying to correct.

    Back to votives.

    In verse 9 animals are mentioned as an offering option, so maybe that whole durable goods definition isn't that helpful. Geez. Anyway, the critter reference is the first in a whole list of items people might be offering to God. He tells Moses what he will and won't accept, what is his to begin with so don't even try, and whether the person doing the offering can ever hope to buy it back, which is what it meant by the word "redeem", which has nothing to do with S&H Green Stamps***. Surprise, surprise, but just about anything that can be redeemed is going to cost a good chunk of change more than it's actual value.

    This final chapter of Leviticus ends at verse 34 with this,

These are the commandments that the Lord gave to Moses for the people of Israel on Mount Sinai.

    From now on whenever somebody brings up the "Commandments" and I know they're just talking about the Famous Ten, I'm going to set them straight about the fact that there are actually about fourteen thousand of them, and hand them a Bible bookmarked at Leviticus.

*The photo for today is in honor of the Opening Ceremonies for the 2024 Paris Olympics. I'm certainly hoping that the games bring the world at least a little bit closer together.

**Does this work for you when I'm putting verse numbers in a quotation? There is probably a more elegant solution, but what that might be I have no idea.

***For anyone under fifty-five or so, you can look it up.

Leviticus Part 6

 

  *

Blemishes Need Not Apply

Sorry for the delay between Part 5 and Part 6. I've been reading Leviticus, taking notes with my trusty fountain pen, but one of my typing fingers has been sidelined a bit by a stupid infection** that makes it painful to type and damned impossible to play my guitar. Not that I would dream of subjecting you to my guitar playing, but I must say it has affected my quality of life these past several days and, I am rather ashamed to say, has rendered me just a tad surly. The finger, or at least the border between the nail and the flesh, is still angry at me, but the antibiotics have at least started to do their thing, so it's time to type, even if it is ever so gingerly.

    And so we begin here with Chapter 21, which is titled "The Holiness of Priests" and honestly I didn't get much out of it. Well, that's not really true, it did prompt me to look up the word "defile" as it is used in the Bible, and it looks like it means anything that makes a person or an object or animal or baked good, or whatever, unclean in the sight of the Lord, who, as we have learned here, is super intolerant of imperfection. 

    Getting that definition of defile was nice, but it didn't really clear things up for me regarding just what is meant by passages like this one that follows the usual--all together now!--"The Lord spoke to Moses" opening.

    No one shall defile himself for a dead person among his relatives, 2 except for his nearest kin: his mother, his father, his son, his daughter, he brother; 3 likewise for a virgin sister, close to him because she has no husband, he may defile himself for her.

    How one might go about defiling oneself for a dearly departed relative I am not sure, but there is mention of bald spots and shaving off the edges of beards and gashing of skin, so maybe indulging in a bit of dishevelment personal grooming-wise is what it mean. If I had to speculate I would say such behaviors might have been traditionally accepted ways of expressing grief back then. You know, like rending a garment, or forgetting to shower.

    Another no-no when it comes to acceptable priestly behavior is that they really shouldn't tie the knot with ladies of the evening, if you know what I mean. Widows and divorcees are also off limits to the union membership. Just another example of God wanting only the New and Unblemished.

    There is more about how priests are to be neatly groomed and nicely attired at all times and then we get a repeat of the "only marry a virgin" rule, just to make sure Aaron and Sons are paying attention. Maybe God saw one of the boy's eyes linger on young Widow Schnitzlehoser at the last Ladies Auxiliary meeting.

    The part that really got my attention starts in verse 16, where the whole "without blemish" obsession gets applied to just who can and cannot aspire to the priesthood.

    No one of your offspring throughout their generations who has a blemish may approach to offer the food of his God.

    You might be inclined, as I was, to think, "well, maybe God is just talking about folks whose character is a bit sketchy, who are blemished in a moral sort of way." But we would be wrong, because God goes on to spell out just the sorts of disqualifying conditions he's talking about: blind, lame, face or limbs not quite normal, a hunchback or a dwarf, these are the sorts of physical issues that mark a person as unworthy to be a priest.

    What a nice God.

    The chapter ends by telling us that Moses passed all of what God had told him onto Aaron and Sons and everyone else in the congregation, which, since I haven't brought it up in a while, I'll remind us all must have been something over two million human beings. I guess he sent an email blast.

    And now we come to the instructions relating to "The Use of Holy Offerings" as spelled out in Chapter 22.

    Here is where you can find out about who God considers worthy to partake of the food stuffs the congregation brings to the tabernacle as offerings. You'd think this might have logically come during, or at least right after all of the stuff about Burnt Offerings and Grain Offerings and Sin Offerings and Offerings of Well Being that are covered in such detail in Chapters 1-4, but here it is in Chapter 22.

    Anyway. Once again, God has some pretty strict rules about who can and cannot take a nibble. As best as I can tell, it's limited to priests who are in good standing and who haven't done something like touching a corpse or a swarming thing or had one of those unfortunate semen emissions. If any of those things apply, it's the old "wash up and wait until sunset" rule for them.

    One interesting bit is that a person who has been purchased by one of the priests can eat the offering comestibles. So who says there isn't an upside to being enslaved?***

    God also takes some pains to point out that all offerings must be perfect. No blemishes. If we've got a theme here, I'm thinking this is it.

    Recognizing that everyone likes a party, there are some Heavenly Sanctioned (also Mandatory) Festivals to be observed. And Chapter 23 is where you can get the deets so you can put them in your Google Calendar.

    But first, please remember that the No Work Rule applies to the festivals same as the sabbath.

• Passover: 14th day of 1st month
• the next day is International Unleavened Bread Day
• Offering of First Fruits Festival: I could not locate a date. Perhaps this is in recognition of the fact that the first fruits are likely going to show up when they want to each year. It's just a guess.
• Festival of the Weeks: 50 days after the 7th sabbath. No, I did not do the math or consult the Jewish calendar. Oh, what the heck, I haven't used my five minutes of research time yet...
• This is what the nice AI thingie has to say about the Festival of the Weeks. I hope it doesn't mind me quoting it verbatim, using its IP to flesh out my little blog.
•  The Jewish festival of Shavuot, also known as the Feast of Weeks or Pentecost, is celebrated 50 days after the second day of Passover, or seven weeks later, on the 6th of Sivan. 
• Wondering what Sivan is? AI knows that one too.
• Sivan is the third month on the Jewish calendar counting from Nissan.

    No, I'm not going to look up what a Japanese car company 

is doing in the Old Testament.

• There is a list of what God expects to be offered up during the F of the W. Two loaves of bread, seven lambs, each a year old, a young bull, two rams, a male goat, and two male lamb, each a year old (seems redundant, but there you are). Oh, and some nice bread made with choice flour. All should be blemish free or there will be arched celestial eyebrows and somebody just might find themselves on the wrong end of an incineration.
• 
  
• Festival of Trumpets: First day of the seventh month.
• There will be trumpet blasts.
• No working. Unless you're a trumpet player, and then you'd better not be expecting union wages.
• 
  
• The Day of Atonement: Tenth day of the seventh month.
• Everybody fasts.
• Nobody works.
• Anyone caught eating gets kicked off the island.
• Anyone caught working is retired from service. Permanently.
• *****
• Festival of the Booths: Not photo booth or restaurant booth. In this context it seems "booth" means the same thing as "tabernacle" although why the word is introduced at this point I have no idea.
• Oops, almost forgot the "when" bit: 15th day of the seventh month. Duration: seven days. 
• Doesn't it kinda seem like folks should just take the seventh month off from work altogether?

    Let's wrap up this installment with Chapter 24, which is titled "The Lamp", but which is actually broken down into three distinct sections.

1. The Lamp: Use good olive oil in the tabernacle's lamp and put it on a stand of pure gold. Got it? Good
2. The Bread for the Tabernacle: Make a dozen loaves of good bread each week, add some frankincense to the oven so it smells nice (but what smells better than freshly baked bread? Whatever). The bread is for the priests.
3. Blasphemy and Its Punishment: Gather everyone who heard the awful words, tell the blasphemer he or she is invited to a barbeque just outside the camp, and stone that person to death.
1. Harsh, I know. But not unexpected considering what we've been learning about ol' Yahweh.

*A window shop pic taken decades ago with my trusty Nikon FM.

**The best guess is that the damn fig tree is where my finger got infected. Tiny abrasion, introduction of some malevolent organism, that sort of thing. If you ever get cast as either Adam or Eve in some sort of pageant and the costume designer wants you to try on a fig leaf outfit I would suggest you decline.

***I assume you know I'm being facetious, but just in case you're wondering...I'm BEING FACETIOUS!

****Watch out for those fig trees!

*****I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get rid of those pesky unwanted bullet points.

    

Leviticus Part 5

 

  *

Crime and Punishment

(So what else is new?)

One of the things I think we've learned about God so far is that he likes to use repetition to make a point. And I can't disagree, after all it is a tried and true pedagogical method. If you missed him telling you not to tell a lie in Exodus he's going to remind you in Leviticus and it will probably come up later too. He also likes to make any promised disciplinary actions memorable. The next two chapters we're going to look at here consist of more rules (surprise!), many of which are going to be repeats, followed by the consequences if one doesn't follow the rules, although it must be pointed out that not all of the Do's and Don'ts in Chapters 18 and 19 are covered in the This Is What Will Happen To Yous of Chapter 20. Once again, a good editor would have come in handy, but then again, who is going to line edit God? He's gonna tell us what he wants to tell us and anything he leaves out is none of our damn business.

    Let's get to it.

    Can anyone tell me what Chapter 19 begins with? If you answered,

The Lord spoke

    you've been paying attention and I appreciate you. And what the Lord spoke about in this chapter has to do with Ritual and Moral Holiness.

• Ritual
• Keep the sabbath
• No messing about with idols
• Anytime you make a sacrifice of well being, which I'm sure you recall is what you call it when an animal is ritually slaughtered as a sort of bloody thank you card to God, make sure all the resulting roasted meat is eaten within two days. This may be one of the first examples of the use of "Best By" dating on food. 
• Anyone nibbling on the leftovers on the third day receives a one way ticket out of town.

• Moral Holiness
• When harvesting grain or grapes, leave some for the less fortunate
• I know I brought this up earlier, but what is the point of handing out agrarian life guidelines, however kindhearted and well intended, to vagabonds? These folks aren't destined to settle down in one place for forty years for goodness sake. Maybe hold those agricultural helpful hints for when the Israelites are within a week or so of dispossessing the Canaanite farmers.
• Don't steal. This is covered in both verse 10 and verse 13. Oh, and The Ten Commandments.
• Don't lie. We've heard that one before.
• Don't "swear falsely by my name." 
• Don't commit fraud.$
• Don't hold back wages from your workers.$
• Don't make fun of the disabled.$
• Don't be unjust.
• Don't defer to "the great".
• My take on this is we shouldn't assume that just because someone is famous, or has acquired a bunch of money, that they are somehow wiser or kinder or more moral.
• Don't slander.$
• Don't try to advance yourself through violence (bloodshed).$
• Don't hate.
• Don't seek vengeance.$
• Don't bear a grudge.$
• Here's a Do. It shares Verse 18 with the bits about not taking vengeance or bearing a grudge.
• "but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord."
• I do like the bit of emphasis he put on this one.
• Back to the Don'ts. Don't cross breed animals. I guess that was an issue then and perhaps the results were unfortunate. Unicorns with platypuses perhaps. Awkward.
• Only one kind of seed per field.
• Maybe crop rotation is still okay.
• Don't mix materials in a garment.
• There goes poly-cotton.
• Verses 20-22 are devoted to the issue of sexual relations with someone else's slave girl.$ The punishment is not death and atonement is available.
• Verses 23-25 covers the all important question of "When can I eat the fruit from the trees I'm going to plant in the orchards I'll be acquiring through Manifest Destiny?"**
• If you're wondering, the first three years are off limits, the fourth year's crop goes to the Lord, and the fifth year is when you can take a bite.
• Don't eat blood.
• Don't mess with augury (omens and predictions and such) or witchcraft.
• Hmm, how about political polling?
• There are rules regarding haircuts and beards.
• No tattoos.
• In Verse 29 the Lord tells Moses that he looks unfavorably upon the practice of selling ones daughter into prostitution.
• Keep the sabbath. (See "Rituals")
• Another caution regarding wizards is in Verse 31.
• Verse 32 says, and I quote, "You shall rise before the aged, and defer to the old."
• A few of our nervous Democrats might want to cherry pick that one back into their own personal scriptures.
• Don't oppress resident aliens.
• A whole bunch of GOP folks seem to skip over this one.
• No cheating when it comes to weights and measures.

    And now, to answer the question "Oh yeah? What're You Gonna Do About It?" that might have been prompted by the Do's and especially the Don'ts in Chapters 18 and 19, let's go to Chapter 20, which is titled...

Penalties for Violations of Holiness

    How does it begin? All together now...

The Lord spoke to Moses, saying...

    Instead of going through this chapter verse by verse, I'm going to try to organize things according to punishment.

• Things That Will Get You Killed (Method of execution unspecified unless otherwise noted)
• Messing around with Molech. (Stoning)
• Cursing Mom or Dad
• Adultery with
• wife of neighbor
• father's wife
• daughter-in-law
• Seems a rather short list, but actually, I think it covers the vast majority of possibilities.
• Sex with
• Another man
• Ones wife and her mother (Burned to death)
• An animal (Animal must also die)
• This is one of those rare sex don'ts that includes the possibility of a woman being the guilty party.
• Things That Will Make You "Subject to Punishment"
• Sex with
• Sister 
• Not a nun. Or at least I don't think so.
• Step or half sister
• Sex with aunt
• Something That Will Get You Banished
• Sex with "a woman who is in her sickness"
• Something That Will Render You Unable to Have Children
• Sex with your sister-in-law

    God closes out the chapter in rather long-winded form, but it pretty much boils down to a couple of bullet points.

• Obey my laws or you'll be vomited out of town.
• I'm paying all of this attention to you folks because:
• "I have separated you from the other peoples to be mine."***
• "Oh, sorry, nearly forgot to let you know that in case you happen across any wizards or mediums, I want them stoned to death."

*A nice footbridge at Boyce Thompson Arboretum in Superior, AZ.

**The phrase Manifest Destiny may have been coined in 19th century America to try to toss the garment of legitimacy on the wholesale slaughter of Native Americans and the stealing of their lands, but the concept of "I'm taking your land because God told me he wants me to have it" is as ancient as mankind.

***Seems to me that a whole lot of the troubles this old world has experienced in the past umpteen thousand years stems from the inevitable friction that happens when one Chosen People encounters some other Chosen People and there is a tract of desirable land they are both eyeballing.

$ As I was reading and then typing this installment, a certain political figure kept coming to mind. The Israelites had their Golden Calf, it seems we have our Orange One.