Wrapping Up Numbers

 

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Counting Down Numbers

    I said we were going to finish Numbers before I put this little experiment to bed, and by golly that's what we're going to do. Hold onto your hats, because we're gonna fly.

    The last sixteen chapters of this book have a fair amount of action (meaning killing) in them. Lots of land gets conquered, lots of peoples are tossed unceremoniously out of their homes and then killed or taken hostage, so let's get down to the fun.

    In Chapter 21 the Israelites, who I guess we should just call Israel since that's what they're called in the New Revised Standard Version, beat up on the Canaanites with some help from God. But then they start to complain about their rations again so God sends a bunch of deadly snakes to bite them, which doesn't improve their morale at all. Moses asks God not to do this and God says Moses should make a brass snake, put it on a pole, and the people who died or are in the process of dying from the snakebites can look at the brass snake and feel all better.

    There's a lesson here, but I've no idea what it is.

    There is some singing and then Israel conquers the Amorites and King Og of Sashan.

    Chapter 22 introduces us to Balak son of Zippor. He seems to be part of one of the tribes being hunted by Israel. He calls on some seer or local prophet or whatnot name of Balaam to curse Israel. Balaam consults with God, who tells him not to do it. Balaam tells Balak he'd rather not piss off God but Balak invites him to come visit so maybe they can find common ground, and while Balaam is riding his donkey to see Balak an angel with a sword shows up on the path they are on and even though Balaam doesn't see the angel the donkey does and he takes some nifty evasive measures which irritate Balaam. God explains what's going on and Balaam understands and apologizes to his donkey. I rather liked reading this part because in the writings of P.G. Wodehouse his character Bertie Wooster refers to Balaam's ass pretty regularly and now I have a little bit better idea of what that reference is about. This sort of thing is a major motivation for this Bible Reading project of mine.

    Where were we? That's right. Balaam won't curse Israel.

    Chapter 23  has two oracles of Balaam's, provided courtesy of seven special made altars and fourteen slaughtered animals. He still declines to curse Israel.

    Two more Balaamic Oracles in Chapter 24. Still no curse.

    Unless...I may have missed something in Chapter 24, but apparently in Chapter 25 Balaam has persuaded the women of Moab to have sex with the men of Israel, and God's not having it. Eleazar's son Phineas, anxious to prove himself worthy of his inherited priesthood status, charges into a tent where a couple of newlyweds that happen to be of Israel and Midian extraction are staying, and skewers them. This makes God happy and the plague he had started gets cancelled, but not before 24,000 have passed.

    Chapter 26 brings us another census, which is how we started this whole book of Numbers, so it's nice to see it again. And just like before, the only ones worthy of being counted are men over the age of twenty. Military age, in other words.

    

    In case you're wondering, after an interminable number of verses in which we learn way more about how many are each tribe than we really care about, the total is forthcoming: 601,730. Exactly.

    In Chapter 27 the daughters of the late Zelophahad ask Moses to make a special rule so they can inherit their father's land. They have no brothers, and wouldn't it be a shame if they were to miss out on a share of the land about to be taken away from the nasty Canaanites or Midianites or Calcifites or whoever. Moses says he's okay with it.

    Chapter 28 is, at least from what I could tell and remember, nothing but a rehash of how God likes his offerings.

    And since we all know how much God thinks about his offerings, it should come as no surprise that this rehashing of instructions spills over into Chapter 29.

    After the forward thinking way in which Moses handled the whole Daughters of Zelophahad situation, it was disappointing to find out in Chapter 30 that if a daughter or wife (and in this society what other roles could a female aspire to?) makes a vow and her dad or husband hears and doesn't think it's a good idea, he can nullify that vow. No such rule is mentioned concerning mothers or wives hearing their sons or husbands making ill-considered vows. This strikes me as most likely where the whole "Gotta have your husband's permission to have a credit card" nonsense came from.

    Chapter 31 is all about the enlightened approach Moses takes when it comes to dealing with conquered peoples, in this case it's the people of Midian, which just happens to be where his late wife Zipporah is from and where he himself spent some time when he thought he wasn't welcome in Egypt. Taking all that personal history and flushing it down the loo, when his soldiers come back from conquering Midian, killing all the kings (the place was lousy with royalty) and dispatching all the military aged men, Moses gives his generals a stern talking to for daring to bring mothers and young boys back as part of their booty. The only Midianites he wants to live are the young girls. What a dude.

    Just as the super successful conquering Israel army is getting ready to cross the Jordan, the leaders of Teams Reuben and Gad ask Moses if they can have some of the land that has already been conquered. They promise to help wipe out the inhabitants currently living across the Jordan just to help the other tribes. Moses says okay. This all happens in Chapter 32.

    My eyes were kind of glazing over by now, but it seems to me that Chapter 33 was pretty much nothing but "Our Story Up Until Now" or "In Case You Want To Draw a Line Tracing Israel's Path on Your Map of the Holy Land" guide.

    The boundaries of the Land o' Milk and Honey are spelled out in Chapter 34.

    Chapter 35 tells us there will be some cities set aside for the Levites and six cities designated as places where murderers can be safe. If you want the details you know where to look.

    We wrap up the Book of Numbers with a little bit of Reassertion of Patriarchal Power in Chapter 36. The tribal leaders, having heard about the way in which Moses caved to the requests of the Lovely Zelophahal Daughters, point out that it would be just awful if any women who inherit their father's land married outside of the tribe. After all, then the land would go to their husbands and the original tribe would be down a few acres and That's Just Not Right.

   Taking a firm stand, Moses says the women with land can marry anyone they want to, as long as it is a man from their tribe.

And that, I think, is a fitting way for us to end this blog. Women once again getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop. 

If this has inspired you to dive deeper, or even quite shallowly, into the Good Book, that's great. If I have something I just have to share as I continue to forge ahead with my own reading maybe I'll drop a short entry in here just for the heck of it. All with the understanding on my part that chances are nobody will read it.

Shalom!

*A lovely Black and White view of the Superstition Mountains